Sorry I haven't posted for a while, it's hard to think of what to say. This blog is through my ESU student account, so I can't have the premium blogger account and to have access to some of the benefits of it I created a different blogger account. Now I just can't figure out how to transfer this blog over to that account. It won't let me change my email address on this account. Also, I've been very busy before and during my full time teach in student teaching first graders. :) It's amazing how God allows children to lift us up so much when we are hurting, even though they have no idea they are doing so.
Five and a half more weeks until I graduate from college. Wow.
This was the post I started five weeks ago, at the beginning of April. Now it's the day after Mother's Day. I hardly even thought about Mother's Day (besides being thankful for my mother!) until Pastor Al talked about how some people have a lot of pain associated with Mother's Day, and then of course I couldn't stop crying. I also think about my mother-in-law and dearly wish I could have met her and talked with her.
I felt so blessed at church when so many came over to pray with me at the end of the service. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm really a mother. Even that afternoon when I was taking a walk I kept thinking, "Wow, did that really happen? Was I really pregnant? Did my baby really die?" I just finished reading a chapter in What Was Lost: A Christian Journey Through Miscarriage about where the little ones are and how they are connected to God. The author talked about how a pregnant woman is similar to the Trinity. She is the mother, child, and love. But if the child dies, it is similar to what happened to the Trinity when Jesus died on the cross. They were separated, and death entered in. I never thought I would ever think this deeply about my baby's death, but maybe it is good for me.
Saturday marked three months since Jonah was born and died. I would have had one and a half months to go until he was born a healthy boy.
Jonah, I thank God that I could be your mother here on earth for five months. Love you and miss you.
